A thick South African accent pierces the highveld bush - "use those bloody legs Aussie".
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It's a phrase that catalyses immediate anaerobic respiration in one's muscles as you sprint for your life from an animal that compares its weight to a Melbourne tram.
We had just reversed the sedation on an endangered southern white rhinoceros, and as luck would have it, the emergence had been much quicker than we had expected.
I have had a few spayed heifers and mickeys breathe upon my buttocks, but the problem about Africa is the lack of stockyards, and therefore, top rails.
The nearby Fiat Ducato van would have to suffice, much to the shock of the laboratory technicians inside.
The van rocked violently as 2.1 tonnes of white rhino shoulder-charged every single panel of the passenger side of the aforementioned Fiat - a definite red card for today's rugby player.
We had been ejaculating southern white rhinos to study which semen extenders work best for freezing and storage of genetic material.
The goal - to couple frozen semen and eggs from the now-extinct northern white rhino and bring it back from extinction (thanks to poaching).
Why was a feral North Queenslander present for this study? Good old Aussie innovation...
Transboundary and zoonotic disease have always been a challenge for humankind. From the bubonic plague that ravaged Europe in the 14th century to foot and mouth, lumpy skin, and avian influenza in more modern times.
Mother Nature has some nasty reset buttons to remind us that even though we are an apex predator, we are still mere mortals to her peevishness.
Through innovation, science, and luck, we are constantly arm-wrestling with her in an attempt to even the odds.
Animals are the obvious reservoir for these nasties, and it's been common practice to diagnose, treat, and prevent disease in monetised species.
We have often overlooked wildlife, and it has been costly.
During my multiple tenures in Africa, I had seen how buffaloes facilitated the spread of corridor disease and brucellosis to local cattle properties, how antelope species are part of the complex puzzle of FMD control, and how anthrax can be spread through wildlife migration and vulture poaching.
The one that appears relevant to the global community at the moment is avian Influenza.
The choreography of avian Influenza the last few years has illustrated how dangerously duplicitous Mother Nature is.
Primarily a pathogen that hunts avian species, it started infecting seals and foxes in Europe during 2020.
In 2023 it killed a Cambodian girl who injected an infected chicken, who then gave it to her father - he lived and the human spread for some reason stopped.
Several months ago seals on the Chilean coast started dying on the beaches and over the Christmas period mass mortalities of seal pups in Antarctica occurred.
The Amercians have had over 100 dairy herds infected, dozens of human cases, and due to the death of almost 100 million chickens, a dozen eggs will cost you approximately US$18 a carton.
Avian Influenza is now on Australia's doorstep, and Aussies are well versed with rolling up the sleeves for a melee.
It is frustrating that after one pandemic, another one comes-a- knocking but as they say, "you can't make diamonds without pressure".
Down south, Australia is further developing preparedness and response. Our poultry industry and agriculture depend on it, Australia's bespoke and precious fauna rely on it, and our human health under the "One Health Paradigm" is integral to it.
It's Aussie innovation that has created the black box recorder, wifi, and the winged keel.
Why was an Aussie veterinarian dodging a rhino's wrath? Aussie innovation. I was testing for these nasty diseases in African wildlife and livestock using portable laboratory technology that plugs into a car's cigarette lighter.
It puts us in good stead for the challenges ahead, and gave me clout in a paddock full of Springbok supporters being able to identify costly bugs on the run. And on the run I was, with a Rhino's horn up my rear end...
- Campbell Costello, flying vet